Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dear finger...

Hey finger, it's me, the rest of your body.

How's it going? I'm doing pretty good...

So hey, it's a pretty rough economy out there and I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. No no, I know you've tried hard and been a part of this organization for nearly three decades. No, it's not going to make a difference if you cry. Look, you look pretty ok on the outside but you're like a cancer on the inside and frankly we don't want to lose any more employees to stuff you started. I don't care if it is hereditary and you didn't have a choice, maybe you did. Look, on principle, I'd love to keep you but the fact of the matter is that you're causing trouble and we're in danger of losing one of our biggest clients. Yeah, Hasbro, the owners of Life. So yes, it is a big deal and yes you have to go. Sorry.

You and I have had some good times together though. Typing, climbing, drumming, shifting mountain bike gears... I'm sure I'll miss you but you did get me into trouble a few times too. Don't deny it! Ok, I was pretty much responsible too but you didn't have to go along with it! Jerk...

No, I don't want to end on bad terms with you. I'm sorry.

I do hope you find some new line of work. Maybe you'll find something in the medical research field. I hear they're still having to resort to amputation for a lot of sarcomas. Yeah it's a type of cancer. You're pretty smart, maybe you can lend the field some of your insight or inspire some young doctor or researcher. That'd be cool.

So yeah, clear out your things and be prepared to leave Monday around 2pm. Security will escort you out. Oh yeah, they will be wearing scrubs. Why? It's more efficient and comfortable than the other uniforms out there I guess. Probably easier to clean too. Just go quietly and it'll be ok alright? I'll see you on the flip side.

Best regards,

Me

5 comments:

  1. Make sure you get the finger back from the surgeon so you can have it bronzed.

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  2. Eric and Brea,

    Van and I wish you the very best tomorrow and for all the days to come. Your blog is touching and reminds us of the challenges we have been through, and we know the road you are going down well. We will be sending healing thoughts and prayers.

    Cousin Ginny Garner

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  3. Dude, take a picture of it standing up in the utmost respectful position of the bird. Then frame it and save it for the day you need to use it in those hairy situations Then the next time you get made at the driver who isn't paying attention, just pull out that 8X10 framed photo and wave it at them with a smile.
    Good luck man, Chelle and I love you and can't wait to see you.

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  4. Dear ROMB,

    When I received your letter, at first, I was afraid. Frankly, I was petrified. I kept thinking, "How am I going to live without you?" But then, I spent many nights thinking about how you did me wrong.

    And then I grew strong. I learned how to get along.

    And so now you're back from outer space. I just found you here with that sad look upon your face. I knew I should have changed that stupid lock that guy sold me. At least I should have made you leave your key, if I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me.

    Well, go on now - go. Go ahead and walk out the door. Just turn around right now. Because, ROMB, you're not welcome anymore. I mean, weren't you the one who tried to hurt me? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Well, no. Not me!

    I will survive.

    Oh, as long as I know how to love? I know I'll stay alive. ROMB, I've got my whole life to live. I've got all of my love to give. And, rest assured, I'll survive. Just know that. I will survive. Hey.

    Oh, and hey - btw! It took all the strength I had not to fall apart. I tried hard to mend the pieces of my knuckle. Not to mention the oh so many nights - just feeling sorry for myself, basically. Really - I used to cry! But, now, I hold my nail up high. And you see me
    somebody new. I'm not that chained up little finger that was still in love with you.

    And, oh, so I guess you just felt like dropping in? And you just expect me to be free?

    Well, ROMB, now I'm saving all my loving for someone who's loving me back.

    And, OK, fine. This is your place. So, I'll leave. But just remember that I will survive.

    I will survive...!

    Sincerely,
    Finger

    P.S. Please don't let all this rhyming fool you, I am quite serious.

    But, not like in a creepy B-movie kind of way.

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