Friday, May 20, 2011

Top Ten: The Cool Side of Cancer (for me)

I'm not sure why but I just got the inspiration to do this. Just call me David Eric Letterman.

#1 I got "The Cancer Card"
Having lost my man card on weekly basis, never having been given a race card, and having found normal decks of cards largely useless to me, the cancer card was a wonderful gift to keep in my pocket for emergency situations. 

#2 Chicks dig scars
Yup, thanks to cancer, I got a pretty wicked one right on my hand. I'm pretty sure my wife now loves me at least 238% more than she did before I got it so I count that as a win. A good portion of cancers seem to require some sort of surgery which means, to some extent, you're getting a sweet fleshy souvenir for your troubles.

#3 Association with fighting
Who doesn't like sounding tough? Cancer is a cruel mistress and you do have to fight it and makes you, yup, a fighter! How cool is that? Very.

#4 Association with surviving
Surviving is equally as cool because you freakin' survived. I'm not sure if you knew this but cancer kills so escaping that is kinda a big deal.

#5 You get incentive to get busy livin'
Granted, if you're a little shy and your extreme sports budget is low, or if you don't want to jump from the cancer train right onto the diabetes train with overindulgence you might get a slow start but still.... talk about a jolt of adrenaline! Who knows if that sneaky crap will come back or get ya? While you can you want to live and do it well. That's a plus in my book. Just watch out for procrastinitis...

#6 You can make up fun stories when people ask you about your scar
You can lead them down intricate fabrications that sound awesome and then when you break the truth to them at the end, the story is still awesome! Very fun with people you've just met or kids. :-D

#7 Getting to have regular checkup appointments makes you sound important
Sorry, I'm going to be out of town for an appointment... That's almost like having a private jet or helicopter to head out to investor meetings or project inspections. That's big league son!

#8 Everything that people say might give you cancer scares you a little less
Pfff, been there done that. What's that? coffee might give me cancer? Sun? Sunscreen lotion? Cell phones? Water bottles? Smiling babies? The cure for cancer might give me cancer? Whatever, just throw it in the corner with my other cancer. Pansies...  I know this crap.
Ok, in reality you might be more aware and take some precaution, but the mystique is pretty diminished.

#9 Veterans and war stories
Ever seen Saving Private Ryan or Band of Brothers? Have a relative that has war buddies? That's a pretty cool bond and you get something in the same family when it comes to the battle with cancer. You get a whole community that better understands the nutty medical terminology, knows why margins are so important, and is also largely numbed to the sticker shock of medical bills. Shoot, we even share similar injuries with actual soldiers and the main difference is that the people that took our body parts were probably not actually trying to kill us.
By the way, thank you service men and women for the very difficult tasks you do for us everyday!

#10 You get to see who has mushy feelings for you
Yeah, this could go both ways. Eww, gross, emotions and junk... But still, beyond the embarrassment of being cared for it is pretty amazing to see people come out of the woodwork to support you or let you know they at least empathize with a difficult situation. It's actually pretty huge to get good support so if you know someone who's been diagnoses, give 'em some love!


  1. Honey, you are a bit morbid but I do love you bunches. 238% more love huh? Where are you getting your figures mister? :-)